Used To

Last night I went dancing
I didn’t have on the right shoes though, I should’ve gone with the 2-inch pumps
The music was loud
I had never heard the tune everyone else effortlessly swayed to
The girl next to me knew every word
I was humming, trying to recognize the chorus
My feet hurt when the beat picked up
Then the bass dropped
I was sure the windows we’re about to shatter, the roof might give in
Everyone had a rhythm
Every song, a serenade
The night worked in on the crowd
Filling every empty glass
Filling every empty hand
Something to dance to
Something to hold

Last night we danced
He had done this before
A local, maybe
Our conversation drowned out over the crowd
“Let’s go outside”
I heard that much
He looked different under the street light
Hazel was scattered in his eyes
There was a stain on the cuff of his sleeve
He was convincing
I was convinced

Last night I danced
I danced with uncertainty
The room was dark and smelled of gin
I spun when the song called for it
I danced with uncertainty
Anything but a waltz
We kept our distance but it was there
The look
The look in his eyes
He knew something I didn’t
In a room filled of hopefuls, this was leverage
A grip around my waist
One last spin

Last night I danced with uncertainty
It was just one song
It was just one drink
It was just a Friday night
It was everything but a waltz
Yet he was well rehearsed

When I see him again I’ll know what to say
His eyes won’t glimmer
My lips won’t tremble
He’ll reek of repetition as he’ll scour to find
Another me
Another dance
I’ll watch as the dance of uncertainty loses it’s appeal
As the crowd forgets every word
When the night closes in and they search for direction
A home
A term foreign to him
A home, with no room to dance with uncertainty

He used to know something I didn’t, uncertainty used to give me a rush.


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